


All I've Ever Wanted

by thatnerdemilyj



Series: Tumblr Codas [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: And that's what he did, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Fluff and Angst, I just wanted Alec to take care of Magnus, M/M, Showers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 13:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19702249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemilyj/pseuds/thatnerdemilyj
Summary: After Magnus' breakdown, Alec does what he can to take care of him.





	All I've Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling sad and needed some comfort so Alec did it for me. I hope you like it!

“All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy…”

“Well, I’m not!” The words came out harsher than Magnus had intended. He really hadn’t meant to say them at all. The look of hurt that filled Alec’s face had a jolt of pain rushing through his heart. “What am I doing? You put this beautiful night together and I’m picking a fight.” Magnus shook his head once again, the tremble in his hands becoming more noticable to him. “It’s pathetic,” he admitted. The small shake of Alec’s head was enough to have his trembling hands shaking.

“Its… okay. You’re going through a hard time…” Magnus did his best to stifle the dark laugh that bubbled into his chest. All Alec wanted was honestly, so he’d said before, so Magnus was going to give it to him.

“Please, Alexander. Don’t make me pretend this is just a phase. Because it’s not.” Magnus couldn’t bring himself to talk above a whisper or tear his eyes from the table in front of him. “What I’m feeling now, it may never pass. As long as I live,” Magnus added, taking in the beautiful table display in front of him for the first time. The flowers on the table were his favorite and the food brought back memories of the first time they cooked together. The effort Alec must have put into it made his stomach twist uncomfortably. “I should go… Before I ruin both our appetites.” Magnus turned to flee only to be stopped by Alec’s hands on his chest. Anger lit up his body. Why wouldn’t Alec just let him leave?

“Stop, stop. Magnus, listen. I, I love you. Can you just… I just want to help.” Magnus stared at the ground, pushing against Alec’s grip.

“I know you do, but you can’t,” Magnus said, his voice barely hiding the emotion flooding through him.

“Listen, stop…”

“Alec, let me go!”

“Please, listen to me!”

Magnus struggled to remove himself from Alec’s grip. He didn’t deserve the support Alec was offering. He wasn’t any good without his magic. He wasn’t helpful without his magic. He wasn’t who Alec fell in love with without his magic. He wasn’t **_him_** without his magic. Magnus had to get away. He fought and fought against the strong grip Alec had on him. He cursed himself for being too weak to force his way out of the situation. He cried out Alec’s name in anger.

“Let me be here with you!” Alec pleaded. The words hit somewhere inside Magnus and a sob escaped his lips. All of a sudden, his strength to fight was gone and all he wanted was for Alec to hold him tighter and tighter and tighter.

Magnus gripped Alec’s back, an awkward angle for both of them but neither of them caring. Magnus’ sobs ripped through him, the emotions building inside him since he lost himself pouring out onto Alec’s jacket. He barely heard the words of support and calming sounds that Alec was making as he held Magnus closer and closer and closer.

The cold breeze in the New York air had a shiver running through Magnus as he held onto Alec with everything in him. His sobs had subsided but the tears were another story. He had held them in for so long, they weren’t ready to disappear. He started moving away from Alec only to be pulled closer. He heard the shaky breaths that Alec was taking, felt the shudders he had caused as Alec held in his own sobs. Magnus moved his head away to meet Alec’s eyes, the devastation in them causing more tears to fall. Magnus wiped the tears from Alec’s face with his thumbs, pressing his lips to each cheek.

“I’m sor--” Alec shook his head abruptly, removing his hands from Magnus’ back to grip his wrists and pulled them away from his face.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, Magnus. For once in your life, please let someone else take care of you.” The serious look in Alec’s face had Magnus nodding, letting himself be led to the bathroom attached to Alec’s room. Alec pushed his shoulders softly, seating him on the edge of the bathtub. Alec pushed his hair back, a soft smile on his lips before he moved to the cupboard over the sink. Magnus watched blindly. He had never been this vulnerable before to anyone and here Alec was, taking care of him. He had always said that Alec surprised him this moment was no different.

Magnus let a small gasp fall from his lips when Alec turned back around. He had a few cotton pads and the makeup removal mixture Magnus had created a few decades ago. Magnus took a few seconds to gaze into Alec’s eyes before he closed his own. The soft pad moved across his eyelids a little sloppily, finally urging a smile onto Magnus’ face.

“Hey, I’m no expert… Yet,” Alec added, tossing one of the pads away as he used another to start removing the makeup from Magnus’ other eye. Magnus sighed contently, reaching up to rest a hand on Alec’s wrist. Alec continued his movements until every single trace of makeup was gone from Magnus’ face. When Magnus opened his eyes, he saw Alec reaching over his shoulder to turn on the shower. Alec pulled him up so he was standing once more and smoothed the jacket off of Magnus’ shoulders.

“If I knew you wanted to get me naked, I wouldn’t have worn my nicest clothes,” Magnus teased, his voice laced with vulnerability as he tried to make light of their current situation. Alec huffed out a small laugh, his fingers working on the buttons of Magnus’ shirt. He didn’t say anything as he undressed Magnus slowly. When his hands reached for Magnus’ belt, there was nothing sexual about it. He stripped Magnus of the rest of his clothes, placing a kiss on his forehead before ushering him into the shower.

As soon as the warm water hit Magnus’ back, he sighed heavily. He leaned his head back, letting the liquid flood over his face and hair before tilting his head back up to see an undressed Alec in front of him. Alec twirled his finger in a circle, indicating Magnus to turn around. Magnus complied again, letting his eyes shut as he waited for whatever was next of Alec’s pampering. He heard Alec uncap a bottle before he felt his hands in his hair. Alec massaged at his head, scratching his scalp ever so lightly with his nails as he worked the shampoo into it. Magnus let out a soft moan of comfort, his head dropping forward just a little more. He felt the hard lines of Alec’s body pressed against his back and felt a shiver run through his body.

“Alec…” Magnus wasn’t sure why he had said his name. Alec shhed him softly, placing a soft kiss between his shoulder blades before wrapping an arm around his chest. He pulled Magnus upright and tilted his head back with his other hand, letting the water rinse out the suds he had created. Magnus kept his eyes closed as Alec’s hand protected them from the shampoo. The hand on Magnus’ chest was rubbing soothing circles and Magnus couldn’t help but cover it with his own. He lifted it up to his lips, placing a kiss on Alec’s palm before resting it back on his chest.

Alec ran a final stroke through Magnus’ hair before soaping up their loofa and running it across Magnus’ back. Another groan left his lips at the soft ministrations, a few tears escaping his eyes again as he revelled in the care Alec was putting into every movement. Alec pushed Magnus forward so the water hit his back before turning him around and scrubbing the front of him. Magnus opened his eyes to gaze helplessly at the man in front of him. Alec had the tip of his tongue sticking out the side of his lips, all of his focus on taking care of Magnus.

The wave of love Magnus felt flow through him caused a sob to burst from his lips, his hands moving quickly to cover his mouth. Alec looked up at him, dropping the loofa as his eyes widened at the sound. Magnus shook his head, attempting to ease Alec but another bout of tears poured from his eyes. Alec tried to wipe them away with his hands but soaped up Magnus’ face instead. When he realized what he had done, a panicked look flashed across his face. Magnus couldn’t stop the wet giggle that escaped his lips. He thought it sounded way better than the sobs from the rest of the night.

“I love you,” Magnus whispered, leaning in to press their lips together in a gentle caress. Alec pulled Magnus closer by his hips, Magnus’ arms reaching to wrap around his boyfriend’s neck. There was a tenderness in this kiss that Magnus hadn’t felt before. The way that Alec’s lips moved against his own, contemplating each move before it happened to ensure that Magnus was in control. Magnus had been feeling so out of control and the gesture had him sighing into Alec’s lips. Alec pulled away slowly, his eyes remaining closed for a few seconds.

“Let’s rinse you off and get you into your favorite robe, okay?” Magnus nodded, leaning back into the water once more. He realized it had started to run cold but it didn’t bother him. His body was warmed by Alec pressed against it.

As he stepped out of the shower, Alec wrapped a towel around his waist, using another to massage at his hair. Magnus leaned into the touch, unused to such trivial things like drying his hair. He had always snapped his fingers and it was perfectly quaffed. He pushed the thought aside, opting to focus on Alec’s hands. When he pulled away, Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck once more, pulling him in for a tight hug. Alec inhaled deeply before pulling away and leading Magnus to the bed. He pulled the towel from Magnus’ waist, handing the robe to Magnus so he could shrug it on.

“Lay down,” Alec demanded, his voice still soft as he didn’t want to burst the intimacy of the night. Magnus did as told, curling up with his head on Alec’s pillow. He heard Alec wandering around the room but ignored whatever he was doing, deciding to let himself be consumed by the smell of Alec surrounding him instead. The lights went out and Alec slid into the bed next to Magnus, pulling the other man close. Their foreheads rested together as they exchanged soft kisses and whispers of love and devotion.

What had been the most vulnerable Magnus had ever felt had turned into the most powerful. He had Alec on his side through everything and that made him the strongest person on the planet. 

**Author's Note:**

> <3 I hope you enjoyed!  
> As always, feel free to scream at me on [Tumblr](https://archeryandeyeliner.tumblr.com/), leave kudos if you like it and comments make me smile.  
> 


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